Welcome to my little Corner of the Net
This one's for the girls,
Who've ever had a broken heart;
Who've wished upon a shooting' star:
Who love without holding' back;
Who dream with everything they have.
Please feel free to visit my main site and read some of my writing or view my photos and feel free to email me
Click here to go to my Main Site.
I have links to the memorials of my Son, Daddy, and Mother, I hope you enjoy visiting with me awhile.
I would like to mention a few sites that I feel are very Noteworthy, and you will be enriched by just visiting with these good folks, Kick back, get you a cup of coffee or a beer or both depending on what floats ya boat an visit with us awhile.
One The campaign to make Poverty History Sign the Declaration Today.
Tonight while checking out myspace I read a couple of bulletins and it struck me as sad. The bulletins are much like some of the mail that I am sure most of you have gotten in the past. You know stuff like if you forward this Something good will happen to you. I wish I was still that bright eyed believing girl that I once was and then maybe I would feel that tingle of hope that should come with wishing and waiting for something good to happen to me. Life has tainted me along with a lot of other people. and no more do we get that tingle or glimer of hope when we see mail like that. I have thought and thought about it and I cant decide if I want to be that innocent or ignorant again. Would I trade all this knowledge of the real world for that old feeling of starry wild eyed innocence ? The answer is Yes!!!!!!!!!!! Ignorance is bliss... my mama use to tell me that and I never understood it but now I do. I wish with all my heart that I could be that young wild eyed girl with hopes and dreams again. The girl that once was before life kicked her ass, But would that mean I would have to go through this ass kicking again? Ok I think I am done with my silly wonderings.
Today was quite nice, it was a beautiful day and I went outside and helped my husband pull up stumps from the yard and burn debris. I guess I hadn't thought of what a recluse I have become until people were genuinely shocked at me being outside in the yard. I know I have held up in this house and not wanted to do anything outside. I guess as long as I could hide in the house I felt safe. But last night I came to the conclusion that I must somehow forgive my step mother for what she did. I don't know how and Have no clue how long it will take or if I can even do it. but knowing that I made my mind up to try gave me some peace. I have to let go of every bit of that pain and try and move on. In thinking about it last night I realized that in 3 years I have not moved forward. I have remained in the same place grieving and painfully reliving all the things I should have done differently. I will not let myself keep doing that I have missed the last 3 years of my life. I have all but ruined my marriage and my health. my kids have suffered too.
My cousin pointed all this out to me months ago but at the time I was hearing it but it wasn't sinking in. then I read a diary of someone that has suffered immense pain and loss and she is still surviving and that helped to give me some hope. I just know that until I forgive her for what she has done then I can never move on. I also have to forgive myself for the way that I handled the situation with my Daddy. I was wrong and stubborn and stupid and I didn't know how things could change in an instant. So my anger is not totally at my step mother my anger is for me as well. Ok that is about all I have for now..
Happy Halloween everyone!!!!!