I always have mixed emotions on the first day of school, a little sadness because one day in the near future there won't be any shopping for school supplies and uniforms because they won't be in school forever and They no longer require me to walk them to their classes or kiss them at the door now Brandon lives with his daddy and Heather drives so she takes Justin to school and it makes me a little sad that they don't need me for that anymore.  They still need me thank goodness but just not for that anymore. I guess it makes me sad because one day they will be grown up and gone. We start preparing for that the minute that they are born but we are never prepared for it. I miss Brandon so bad that I can hardly stand it. If he calls me I am so grateful that I want to cry but I try not to because he thinks I am stilly and I fear he wont call me if I show him what a titty baby I am. I have been doing my best to give him some space but its just about to kill me. I think his dad gives him to much space and I am affraid that he won't keep a close enough watch on him to make sure he is doing right.  I feel like I have failed in so many ways where Brandon is concerned. He is a good boy but there was so many things I could have done differently. I am very proud of him and sometimes I wonder how I lucked up with such good kids when I have screwed up so much raising them. I guess I can only hope and pray for the best and see what happens. 

ok my mind is a jumble and I can't figure out what to write next I have so many things I should be doing so I guess I will go for now.