I am so sorry that its been so long since I have posted.  I haven't taken time to do much on the pc other than payroll and stuff for my husband, I have been getting alot done and my life is better than it has been in a very long time. I have been on this great diet and my daily activities have increased because we have bought some horses and those take alot of time and effort.  The kids are all doing great, I just thought I would post an update for those who may be wondering where I went.

I didn't like the bronze bow because it looked to orange  so I changed it and made a gold/beige one. I also added some deep deep red berries but not sure if you can see them.

 

these were taken with the new camera that seems to work great

Above is Justin and Steve's sister fishing at her pond

Below is my little pond on my front porch

Even though I have been sick it was still a very nice day, I got up at 6am and put my turkey in the oven I injected it with Creole Garlic last night. I Had my dressing all made and ready to cook this morning so I put it in the big roaster oven and my ham was pre cooked last night. everything went together rather fast so everything was done around 11 am. My daughter did take a few pics of the turkey and ham and stuffing.

Cornbread Dressing

Heathers chocolate Pie

Ham

not sure whats wrong with these photos but Steve took this new camera back after we saw these pics and got another one but it was to late for these photos.

Tara delving into the leftovers!!!

I wanted to upload a photo of my sons senior picture but this dang thing won't let me. I guess I will have to try back later.

I hope everyone is doing well. things have been rainy and ugly here but supposed to clear up tomorrow and turn cooler. I am ready for cooler weather. Ready for Thankgiving too, I love me some turkey and dressing. ok well i will be back in a bit to upload that photo..

 

Tonight while checking out myspace I read a couple of bulletins and it struck me as sad. The bulletins are much like some of the mail that I am sure most of you have gotten in the past. You know stuff like if you forward this Something good will happen to you. I wish I was still that bright eyed believing girl that I once was and then maybe I would feel that tingle of hope that should come with wishing and waiting for something good to happen to me. Life has tainted me along with a lot of other people.   and no more do we get that tingle or glimer of hope when we see mail like that.  I have thought and thought about it and I cant decide if I want to be that innocent or ignorant again.  Would I trade all this knowledge of the real world for that old feeling of starry wild eyed innocence ? The answer is Yes!!!!!!!!!!! Ignorance is bliss... my mama use to tell me that and I never understood it but now I do. I wish with all my heart that I could be that young wild eyed girl with hopes and dreams again. The girl that once was before life kicked her ass, But would that mean I would have to go through this ass kicking again? Ok I think I am done with my silly wonderings.

Today was quite nice, it was a beautiful day and I went outside and helped my husband pull up stumps from the yard and burn debris.  I guess I hadn't thought of what a recluse I have become until people were genuinely shocked at me being outside in the yard. I know I have held up in this house and not wanted to do anything outside. I guess as long as I could hide in the house I felt safe. But last night I came to the conclusion that I must somehow forgive my step mother for what she did. I don't know how and Have no clue how long it will take or if I can even do it. but knowing that I made my mind up to try gave me some peace.  I have to let go of every bit of that pain and try and move on.  In thinking about it last night I realized that in 3 years I have not moved forward.  I have remained in the same place grieving and painfully reliving all the things I should have done differently. I will not let myself keep doing that I have missed the last 3 years of my life. I have all but ruined my marriage and my health. my kids have suffered too.
My cousin pointed all this out to me months ago but at the time I was hearing it but it wasn't sinking in. then I read a diary of someone that has suffered immense pain and loss and she is still surviving and that helped to give me some hope. I just know that until I forgive her for what she has done then I can never move on. I also have to forgive myself for the way that I handled the situation with my Daddy. I was wrong and stubborn and stupid and I didn't know how things could change in an instant. So my anger is not totally at my step mother my anger is for me as well. Ok that is about all I have for now..

Happy Halloween everyone!!!!!

It turned out to be a lovely day! Steve is outside working in the yard and I did some cleaning in the house. I still need to clean out my china cabinets and clean out the bedrooms so that we can put new carpet in them, we have the carpet but I just don't know where to begin, there is nowhere to put all this damn stuff. How in the hell does one collect so much damn junk over the years. I think I may need to make a clean start. That would probably be good for my depression letting go of the past maybe is just what I NEED, A new friend of mine recently shared her diary with me and I noticed many things in her writings that I can apply to my life and for that I am grateful. oh and I want my new friend to know  I have thought about you everyday since reading your diary, it really helped me.

Right now I must go start doing something else because if I ever slow down and stop its very hard to get my motor running again.

 

Well after taking a break thanks to my DSL being down for over a week I am happy to report that I am back, Even though I no longer chat and I no longer spend very much time on the internet I still missed it bad..... I don't know how I survived without being able to surf.  Its really great to be back. Nothing much going on around here I got my daughter through her first school dance and I will post  a pic of her she looked so beautiful. she is 16 and this was the homecoming dance.